In the Dark
by RubyD
Summary: Hisoka's point of view during and after "The Devil's Trill." Mostly hurt/comfort. Some cheese monkeys.


This takes place during and after "The Devil's Trill" from Hisoka's point of view.  
  
***  
  
In the Dark  
By RubyD  
  
***  
  
The play's the thing to catch the conscience of the king, wrote Shakespeare.   
  
How frighteningly true.  
  
And this time Hisoka would be the player, acting as Hijiri. He stood at the window, waiting in a dark wig. It was striking how similar they looked, he and Hijiri. They even had the same eyes. Two equal gems of green.  
  
But, the true Tsuzuki would have been able to tell the difference.  
  
Unlike the somber and harsh god of death, Hijiri was so honestly cheerful and warm. His smiles were enthusiastic and still untainted by hardships. Hisoka wondered if that might have been him if he had never been born with his empathy.  
  
His power. Recently he couldn't decide if it were a curse or blessing. In the past, letting anyone know of it would earn him a trip to the basement. A monster to be hidden away in the dark. Now, without it, he would have suspected too late what was wrong about his partner. The emotions normally to be found running the gamut in Tsuzuki were either heavily shielded or completely absent. And then he thought the Chief didn't like sweets.   
  
That was a vital red flag there.  
  
So it came to this. Protecting Hijiri for his sake, and for Tsuzuki's. His partner had made a promise, and Hisoka was determined for him not to break it. The man hid it well from him, but one time or another, when something went wrong or when would gaze off into the sky with such a serious expression... a taste of an inner darkness and despair would leak through. It was a hint of the real face behind that mask of laziness and delight. Hisoka often would stare at him, curious and worried. One day he would find what it was about.  
  
Now he waited, knowing that his partner would be there.   
  
The man arrived, saying something about the sunset. Souls of those who had died at sea. Then, turning, he demanded his... gratitude.  
  
"Thank you." Hisoka dutifully said his lines to Tsuzuki, trying not to give the game away. It was awkward. Hijiri was much more, well, open to the Shinigami than he was. Funny thing, having this boy whom they've barely met be more caring of him than his very own partner.  
  
No, that was a lie. He cared for Tsuzuki just as much, if not more. He simply chose to hide it.  
  
"It's not enough," said Tsuzuki.  
  
"What do you want? I'll do anything within my power."  
  
"Anything? Then give me your body."  
  
He found unnerving the warm arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind. They were moving with the natural grace and swiftness of Tsuzuki, yet, it didn't feel anything like him. The touch gave no sensation, only a void where feelings should have been. Hisoka started, almost shivering, as an intimate sensation of dread crept up his spine. He'd been in this position before.  
  
"Wait... You're kidding, right?" Don't let this go any further.  
  
"You're so pretty... Hijiri..."  
  
There was an cruel look in those familiar eyes, and his grip tightened.  
  
It was hard not to be afraid.  
  
And the moon was out. It was the one constant in his existence. The silent observer peered down upon him as it did those years ago.  
  
There was a horrible feeling in his stomach, cold and hard like lead. In that moment, Hisoka didn't see the demon or Tsuzuki; he only saw the betrayal and hate and sin of everyone he had ever come to know during his life. His parents. A killer in white.   
  
Then to have the image of the first person he trusted in this strange job try and harm him, even against his will, even if he thought the person in front of him was Hijiri.... it was almost unbearable.   
  
Then the silver glint of a cleaver.  
  
Hisoka may have received the gift to heal quickly as all Shinigami did, but the pain was still there and as sharp and bitter as it was in life. The shell of his partner hacked and cut into him as if he were nothing more than... than a toy to be thrown away once done. Worse still was a new pain, not one of mere physical harm, but of his soul. He hurt.  
  
So he tried to remember.  
  
It's not Tsuzuki.   
  
It's not Tsuzuki.  
  
He needed to remember that.  
  
The demon -   
  
He collapsed, gaze wide and still. Everything was fading in and out, becoming fuzzy at the edges. The color slipped away from his vision, turning the world gray. The floor was covered in his blood, like a gothic and grotesque painting. All his strength was escaping into the night. Weak, he felt so weak.  
  
Like a good actor, he played dead. It was pretty easy to do, considering.  
  
The demon laughed, warping the man's pure voice to one of heartless and demented joy. The feral tone was so wholly not his partner's. Not Tsuzuki. Grinning, or snarling, it clutched at the ugly blade decorated in dark liquid.   
  
It was wrong, terribly and utterly wrong. It had violated Tsuzuki and used him for... this...  
  
Hisoka hated it. He wanted to kill it.  
  
And  
  
He wanted to free his friend.  
  
It casually strolled out, not caring of the mess it had made in its wake. Thankfully, since the young Shinigami's body had already begun to heal the major wounds. The uncannily quiet footsteps echoed into the distance and were gone.   
  
Then, and only then, did Hisoka finally close his eyes, and shuddered.  
  
Tsuzuki...  
  
***  
  
It was the evening after going to Hijiri's concert. Hisoka found himself wandering the sakura grove at the pond with the little girl, Kazusa. The air was scented with their fragrance and tiny creatures could be heard chirping or chattering. Even the land of the dead needed annoying animals, so it seemed.  
  
"Hi-chan, what did you think of the concert?" Kazusa asked, skipping and tugging on to his hand. She had taken to calling him Hijiri's nickname.  
  
"It was great," he answered truthfully. The concert was fantastic. Hijiri played what was probably the best music in his life. The crowd went insane, drowning anything out after that.  
  
She nodded, sending dark hair over her grinning face. The girl let go of his fingers and ran ahead, trying to grab at stray petals floating to the ground. Hisoka looked on at her innocence with regret. She could have grown up to be a wonderful person. So young - she had died saving another.  
  
They circled the pond once more, letting the sun dip low in the clear sky. Kazusa would be leaving soon. The selflessness she showed in life had earned her the right to pass on.  
  
She stopped suddenly, staring at the petals in her small fists, eyebrows furrowed together. Hisoka simply watched, and waited.  
  
"Hi-chan," she said, looking up. "Will I ever see him again? Or you?"  
  
Hisoka smiled wistfully and knelt down. "Maybe one day, little one. But don't worry. We'll be safe."  
  
"And Tsuzuki-san?" she demanded. "You'll keep him safe?"  
  
"I will."  
  
She pouted. "Make a promise."  
  
"What? I - "  
  
"Promise!" Kazusa stared at him, almost defiant.  
  
A pause. "I... promise."   
  
The little girl beamed. Then, with a cry, she threw her arms around him, shouting, "I'll miss you, Hi-chan! And Tsuzuki-san! Good-bye!"   
  
"We'll miss you too." He could only hug back for a second before she was off and running away from the path. Sakura petals swirled and seemed to wave her farewell, fluttering in the breeze like so many butterflies. Her figure kept going until, it seemed, she faded into the setting sun.  
  
Gone.   
  
He doubt he'd ever see her again.  
  
It was then that Tsuzuki strolled up next to him, his coat gently brushing Hisoka's side. They stood there until the sun disappeared, too.   
  
"What a nice girl," Tsuzuki commented. "If a little young for you."  
  
"Shut up, you idiot. You're old enough to be my great-grandfather."  
  
"Ah, how mean..."  
  
"Of course."  
  
His partner smiled playfully, and the pair headed back towards the main building. It was getting late - the moon was beginning to peek over the horizon, a silver eye just waking up. Hisoka was uneasy about that thought.  
  
"So how are you, Hisoka?"  
  
The teen glanced at him. It felt like the same Tsuzuki, even if a bit... muted. "Doing better than you, I assume."  
  
"Don't say that."  
  
"It's true. You had it worse."  
  
"But - I - Saagatanasu..." His mood turned dark and self-pitying. Tsuzuki, ready to blame things on himself, thinking that he was weak. Hisoka laid a comforting hand on his slumped shoulders.  
  
"Don't you start. No one thinks bad of you."  
  
Tsuzuki's troubled eyes focused on him, as if remembering.   
  
"That was you," he said. "Not Hijiri. I hurt you. I tried to kill you."  
  
Hisoka's eyes closed, sighing. "It doesn't matter. And it wasn't you that hurt me."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You're forgiven," he answered quickly. "Now let's go. The moon's already out."  
  
Tsuzuki was silent. Hisoka turned and started walking away, thinking that the conversation was over. Arms suddenly lunged at him from behind, holding tightly. He stiffened, keeping the feeling of alarm down. It's Tsuzuki... It's Tsuzuki. His partner felt the change and released, turning the young Shinigami around.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said, dropping to the ground and hugging his partner's knees. A few tears escaped the shut eyes. Waves of despair surrounded him like an aura. "I'm sorry!"  
  
Hisoka reproached himself for his reaction. This was Tsuzuki. He was a good person, forced to, but never wanting, to harm. That was what being a Shinigami was about. But he was also human...  
  
He also knelt, gripping Tsuzuki in a tight, sincere hug. It was steady, and nothing was wrong. They both needed this. Hisoka relaxed into him, wishing he really could keep his promise. He vowed to protect Tsuzuki. The man continued to murmur apologies into his hair, holding on desperately.   
  
"It's okay, it's okay, I forgive you," Hisoka shushed over and over. He meant it. "I forgive you."  
  
"It's my fault for... everything..."  
  
"No it isn't, idiot. It can't be. Quit blaming yourself."  
  
"... sorry."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
"Thank-you."  
  
They stayed there until the night lost its youth. The moon and stars died, but they remained embracing each other out of the dark and into the first rays of the morning light.  
  
  
~finis  
  
  
***  
  
Notes: "Saagatanasu" is the name of the demon.  
Welcome to my first YnM fic, finished at 3 am. So what if it didn't follow the episode too strictly... Sorry for the multiple lapses in grammar, and being so short. Thanks. 


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